April 13, 2007 - Friday
Idaho is removed from the Union of States
Category: Writing and Poetry
STATE DEPARTMENT : FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Idaho has been officially declared to be a white state. Therefore it's name has been found offensive and will be banned from the union.
Should Idaho have been found to be a black rap artist, Idaho would have been granted a lifetime achievement award.
The ACLU immediately demanded that potatoes be removed from all schools and government buildings. They claim the separation of sauce from steak requires potatoes must be forbidden, so as to not be established as the official food of the union. They note that noodles and rice have been offended by the government's condoning the serving of potatoes at schools, in spite of the fact that the only ones served potatoes had to request them. School cooks had been allowed to cook potatoes, with some restrictions. While cooking, the chef must face Mecca. And the chef must not refer to the potatoes by name.
Boston added, all Mr. Potato Heads are to be treated as possible terrorist bombs.
Noodles commented that his family has been found responsible for killing 11 Israeli Athletes during the 73 Olympics in Munich, storming the US embassy in Iran in 1979, blowing up the US Marine barracks in Beirut in 83, the 1985 hijacking of the Achille Lauro, the bombing of flight 103 in 1988, the 1993 bombing of the world trade center, the 1998 bombing of the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania, and the 2000 bombing of the USS Cole. But Noodles, in a statement issued by the ACLU, said his kind has been unfairly targeted for 9-11 investigations, and equal resources should be used to investigate others, just to be fair. Their list of suspects includes: Elvis, Geraldo Rivera, The Tooth Fairy, Richard Nixon, Mr. Rogers, and The Pope.
Turkmen rice was unavailable for an interview but issued this statement, "Whatever it is, it is Israel's fault."
Damascus asked all white rice to resign, as they always do.
Turkey has been unavailable for comment since late November.
Hungary announced, "We're still Hungary, please send rice."
Condoleezza was unavailable for comment.
George Orwell had no comment because he is dead.
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UPDATE: The Potato Head Anti-defamation league has informed us that 'Potato Head' is considered a racist epithet. They prefer to be referred to as "Starchy Tuber Heads". But to please check back often as what is considered a malicious term may change without notice due to upper atmospheric air currents and the dollar / yen exchange rate.
We were unaware and apologize for our error. At this time we have no plans to accept the Damascus demands that we resign.
Idaho is removed from the Union of States
Category: Writing and Poetry
STATE DEPARTMENT : FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Idaho has been officially declared to be a white state. Therefore it's name has been found offensive and will be banned from the union.
Should Idaho have been found to be a black rap artist, Idaho would have been granted a lifetime achievement award.
The ACLU immediately demanded that potatoes be removed from all schools and government buildings. They claim the separation of sauce from steak requires potatoes must be forbidden, so as to not be established as the official food of the union. They note that noodles and rice have been offended by the government's condoning the serving of potatoes at schools, in spite of the fact that the only ones served potatoes had to request them. School cooks had been allowed to cook potatoes, with some restrictions. While cooking, the chef must face Mecca. And the chef must not refer to the potatoes by name.
Boston added, all Mr. Potato Heads are to be treated as possible terrorist bombs.
Noodles commented that his family has been found responsible for killing 11 Israeli Athletes during the 73 Olympics in Munich, storming the US embassy in Iran in 1979, blowing up the US Marine barracks in Beirut in 83, the 1985 hijacking of the Achille Lauro, the bombing of flight 103 in 1988, the 1993 bombing of the world trade center, the 1998 bombing of the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania, and the 2000 bombing of the USS Cole. But Noodles, in a statement issued by the ACLU, said his kind has been unfairly targeted for 9-11 investigations, and equal resources should be used to investigate others, just to be fair. Their list of suspects includes: Elvis, Geraldo Rivera, The Tooth Fairy, Richard Nixon, Mr. Rogers, and The Pope.
Turkmen rice was unavailable for an interview but issued this statement, "Whatever it is, it is Israel's fault."
Damascus asked all white rice to resign, as they always do.
Turkey has been unavailable for comment since late November.
Hungary announced, "We're still Hungary, please send rice."
Condoleezza was unavailable for comment.
George Orwell had no comment because he is dead.
--
UPDATE: The Potato Head Anti-defamation league has informed us that 'Potato Head' is considered a racist epithet. They prefer to be referred to as "Starchy Tuber Heads". But to please check back often as what is considered a malicious term may change without notice due to upper atmospheric air currents and the dollar / yen exchange rate.
We were unaware and apologize for our error. At this time we have no plans to accept the Damascus demands that we resign.
